Weird Science and nutrition 

Then we have the weird science approach. It is a little different in it’s philosophy and approach. They figure we are too ignorant and indifferent to stop ourselves from being fat, lethargic and depressed so there is an aggressive pursuit of new brilliant approaches to follow up the success that stomach stapling, lypo suction, and gastric bypass surgery has had in defeating our rationale. In this never ending application of brilliance comes some truly profound news in the field of bioengineered food.The following is the headline and brief excerpt of an actual article:

Dutch hope to invent foods that prevent obesity- WAGENINGEN, Netherlands (Reuters) - Scientists in the Netherlands are developing a new generation of foods that can help prevent obesity by making people eat less, The Top Institute Food and Nutrition (TIFN) research institute said on Thursday.

I don't know about you but I think this is some really frigging exciting stuff, people. I can't wait for the details on this profound, altruistic use of science. I can imagine the possibilities: A TIFN apple that after it’s consumption even the thought of eating something else will have you on your knees retching; or maybe a  super concentrated fiber/polymer blend TIFN cereal that with 1/2 cup of these tasty flakes and a 1/4 cup of activating mock-milk they will combine in your stomach and quickly seep through your whole digestive track and then expand to fill your stomach and intestines for 12 hours( the only draw back being a constant urge to eliminate and a very explosive elimination at the end of the 12 hour digestive system packing);  A TIFN meal replacement drink that after drinking it will produce a crippling, level ten migraine for fifteen minutes if you touch any other food to your lips before your next scheduled meal. I could be way off and no side effects will be discovered until women using the product have babies with two heads. I think these people need a hobby.                                                 

 Hot New Supplement Alert

Ex-49er and Bronco, Bill Romonowski has shamelessly introduced a new supplement to the nutritional supplement market. That lugey hocking, wild man known for his clean play and clean living has discovered the cure all supplement; A mental energy drink called Neuro 1 that claims to help improve memory recall, endurance, creativity, reaction time, and sexual stamina. There it is; buy and consume Romo's "Crazy MoFo Juice" and attain your intellectual, artistic, athletic and sexual potential.  

Do I feel like a fool? I’ve had it all wrong this whole time! All I have to do is consume my TIFN food products to be lean and sexy and drink my Romo juice to be the most dynamic mental and physical specimen on the block.  My bad.

Greg Alario

www.OptimalPerformanceFitness.com